Wandering Heart

I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions because it’s really an arbitrary thing, isn’t it? There’s no real difference between December 31st and January 1st. So typically if I want to make a major life change or attempt to make or break a habit, I just start. Still, I understand the appeal of a blank slate.

In the past, my “resolutions” have always been the typical things. Eat better, exercise more, save more money… I’ve never felt compelled to grab one thing and say THIS IS THE YEAR.

This time around, it feels different. I’ve been spinning my wheels since finishing college. Life has been good and steady, but the same. I’m not working towards any one thing.

Because my life has been so static, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want it to be. All over Twitter and Instagram and Facebook, I see people grabbing buzz words for 2016. They’re figuring out what goals to chase, what habits to develop or kill, what stamp they want to put on the next year.

So I’ve been praying a lot. What should this next year be like for me? I know where I’ll be living. I know what I’ll be doing for work. But what about the rest?

There are so many things I want to do and so much I want to build this life up to be. But the more closely I look, the more I realize that my foundation is not the strongest. It’s there. I can identify the cornerstones. But a lot of it is… wobbly.

So that’s where I’m starting. The foundation. My relationship with God. I want to deepen that. Surrender control. Grow my faith. Deepen my trust. Become fluent in God’s language.

For the last several months, I cannot get enough of the old hymn “Come Thou Fount.” It. Is. Killer. It gets me every time. I cry and my heart aches and stretches out towards God. It’s really become my theme song because it speaks such truth to me.

It’s fitting, then, that my motto for 2016 would come from that song. “Bind my wandering heart to thee.”

Without that bind, nothing else I do really matters. Without the foundation of a strong relationship with God, everything else I build in my life will falter.

So this is what I envision my 2016 to be. A constant, intentional seeking of Christ. I believe that everything in life comes down to choice. I can choose lots of different things, but I am choosing the one thing that matters this year. The rest of my life seems so up in the air. I don’t know yet what I’m supposed to do for a “career” or how I can use my gifts to advance the kingdom.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that the reason I don’t know those things is probably because I’m not ready to know those things yet. If I knew my career path, I would throw myself headlong into it and God would inevitably fall to the wayside in my life.

My relationship with him is the foundation. I’ve got to get that set before I can build the rest.

“Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.”

I am ready for a new year.

Bind my wandering heart to thee.

 

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